Saddle-up.org.uk

Email Us
Advertising

 

Home  ArchiveAnswers   |  Articles   | Chat Room  |  Diary  | Fun  | Gallery   |  Links   | Marketplace  |  Message Boards Riding Schools  | Our stable Sports  Search

 

Free Classifieds ads - horses for sale

 

 




 

Spinal Research
 


 
 
 
 
 
 


Humour
Politically Incorrect Jokes



Aer Ireland Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus to co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport they looked out the cockpit window.

"B'jeesus", said Paddy, "will ye look at how F**kin short dat runway is."

"You're not F**kin Kiddin, Paddy", replied Shamus. "Dis is gonna be one a' the trickiest landings you're ever gonna see" said Paddy.

You're not F**kin Kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus

"roight, Shamus, when I give de signal, you put de engines in reverse" Said Paddy.

"Roight, Oi'll be doing dat", replied Shamus

"And den ye put the flaps down straight away" said Paddy

"Roight, Oi'll be doing dat" Replied Shamus

"and den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can," said Paddy

"Roight Oi'll be doing dat", replied Shamus.

"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with a'your soul" said Paddy

"Oi'll be doing dat already", replied Shamus

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed to the Mother Mary with all of his soul.

Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt just centimetres from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.

As they sat in the Cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "dat has gotta be de shortest F**kin runway I have EVER seen in me whole Life."

Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah, Paddy, but look how F**kin wide it is."

The SAS, the army and the police decide to go on a survival weekend  together to see who comes out top. After some basic exercises, the trainer tells them their next objective is to go down into the woods and come back  with a rabbit for tea.

First up are the SAS. They don their infra red goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence  for 5 minutes, followed by a single muffled shot. They emerge with  a rabbit, shot cleanly through the forehead.

 "Excellent" says the trainer. Next up are the army. They finish their cans of lager, cover themselves in camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of machine gun fire, mortar bombs, hand grenades and blood-curdling war cries.  Eventually, they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.

 "A bit messy, but you got a result. Well done" says the trainer.  Lastly, in go the coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs,  whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the  silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie talkie:  "sierra oscar lima one, suspect headed straight for you" etc.

 After what seems an eternity, they emerge, escorting a squirrel in  handcuffs.

  "What the hell do you think you're doing?" asks the incredulous trainer.

 "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit, like I asked you 5 hours ago!"  

So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, day turns to night. The next morning the trainer and the rest of the crew are awakened by  the police, holding the squirrel, now covered in bruises.

 "Are you taking the piss?" asks the seriously irate trainer.

The police team leader shoots a glance at the squirrel, who squeaks:  "Alright, alright, so I'm a bloody  rabbit..."


 

A farmer bought two horses. But when he got them home, he couldn't  remember which was which.

While having a drink in the local he mentioned the fact to a friend. The friend suggested he cut half the tail off one of them, then he could tell them apart.

This worked great until the other horse got it's tail caught in a bush and it tore off just right and the farmer was stump again, not knowing which was which.

Down at the local the farmer told his friend what had happened, His friend said "Why don't you measure the horses and see if there is any difference in their height".

So the farmer measured the horses and was over the moon when he found that the white horse was two inches tall than the black horse.


 

How many men does it take to put a new toilet roll on?

Who knows - it's never happened.


Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.


Two Irish lads, Paddy and Mick have been to the pub, they are staggering home and have no money for a taxi.

The past the bus depot and Paddy comes up with a plan, he says to Mick "jump over the wall and go and steal and bus and we can drive it home"

Mick duly breaks into the bus depot and is gone for ages, Paddy is pacing around outside getting really anxious and he calls into Mick "what are you doing?"

Mick shouts back "I can't find a number seven bus, I can only find a number five which doesn't go up our street"

Paddy shouts back "s'okay steal the number five and we can get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way home"

 
 

Up ] Glossary ] [ Jokes ] More Jokes ] Facts ] What they say ] How_many? ] Clip Art ]


HELP-MAIL:  
If you can't find the answer and need help urgently, please e-mail:

 help@saddleup.org.uk

 

 

 

 

 
 

Home  Answers   |  Archive  |  Articles   | Diary  |  Fun  |  Gallery  |  Links  |  Marketplace  | Message Boards Riding Schools  | Our Stable | Sports Search

Contents of this site are (c) Saddle-up.org

Webmaster: enquiry@saddle-up.org