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Spinal Research
 


 
 
 
 
 
 


Humour

Some things you might not have known


 



Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood
plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or
older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.

A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

American Airlines saved 40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each
salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the
morning.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.

Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was
talked out of it by her doctor.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen
wearing them in public.

Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in
jelly.

Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are
already married.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and
Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the
engines were pulled by horses.

The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk
up
straight staircases.

Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains
all
the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson
Clinton.

And...........................................

turtles can breathe through their arses.

 

Thanks to babyblueeyes for these gems.


It's the Navy.

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation recorded between a US Navy Vessel and the Canadian authorities off Newfoundland in October 1995. The radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95.

Americans: Please Divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE CRUISERS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS VESSEL.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your Call.


Nice one Roo
 

Some more... (with added commentary from babyblue eyes)



If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(Oh my God...!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(
In my next life I want to be a pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it
starves to death.

(Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the
male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the...."

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes...can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over
quantity.)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(
Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares! )

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.

(What about the pig?)


One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river." And poof!

.
.
.
God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.


-----
Sara
 
 

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