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Humour
Politically Incorrect Jokes



Well, the international arbitrators finally got Bush and Bin Laden together, and it was agreed that they would settle their differences once and for all by having a dog fight. Whoever could breed the most ferocious dog would be allowed to dominate teh world. So a date was set, five years on, for the fight, and the two men went to work on breeding a dog.

Bin Laden's team went and found the most ferocious Bull Mastiff they could, and the most aggressive Rottweiler, and bred from them, taking away all but the largest of the pups so it got all the milk, and five years on they had a truly terrible brute of a dog. They thought they had it all wrapped up and, truth to tell, so did the bookies. When this beast was let loose in the arena, the whole of the free world groaned: how could America come up with anything to match this dog?

Then the Americans opened their cage, and let loose into the arena .... a 9 foot Dacshund!

Bin Laden laughed his beard off, but to his very great surprise the American dog just waddled up to his fighting machine of a dog, opened its mouth very wide, and swallowed it in one gulp. Bin Laden was astonished. He turned to Bush and said "How did you pull that one off? I've had the world's top dog breeders and trainers working flat out for five years to produce the finest fighting dog ever!"

"Yeah," said Bush, "and I've had the world's top plastic surgeons working flat out for five years to disguise that alligator!"

 

(Thanks, Cob Nut!)


A man takes his dog to the vet but unfortunately the vet tells the man the dog is dead.  He doesn't accept this and asks for a second opinion.  A golden labrador comes in, sniffs the dog and tells the man "yes unfortunately he is dead".  He isn't happy with this and asks for a third opinion.  A cat comes in looks at the dog and says "no he really is dead".  Fine says the man and asks how much he owes.  "150 pounds says the vet".  "How much?"  Well said the vet, "it would of only cost 5 but you've had a Lab report and a CAT scan"!!  

 

(Thanks Ally Sole)

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