HOW MANY RIDERS DOES IT TAKE TO
CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do
you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration
levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another
50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb.
Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning
DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light
bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject
myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your
hands when you are finished. The very thought!
CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These
things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great
patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical
masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential,
but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use
any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offence to
the principles of classical light bulb changing.
EVENTER: Wuss! As soon as
my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large
stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country I'll
change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your
chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.
SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would
I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun
shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators
are practically blinded.
NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instil
respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you
as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video
available at $99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will
= find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all,
but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using
patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each,
for extra $49.99 you get video thrown in) will behave as all good
light bulbs should.
SHOW RIDER: Well, I'm waiting
for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs
somewhere else right now.
REAL COWBOY: Well shur 'nuff
ma'am. There, all dun.
SIDESADDLE RIDER: Well, one
things for certain.... if they can do it, I can do it, and with both
legs on the same side of the step ladder..... stand back and watch me!
But first I have to find my top hat and veil, cut the crusts off the
sandwich and pack it in a linen napkin, fold my rain gloves with the
thumbs together and place them under the billets, have my saddle
restuffed and make an apron...............
FOXHUNTER: Forget the light
bulb- ain't got no time to worry 'bout no light bulb - HOUNDS ARE
RUNNING! Load in the dark ( in August) , unload in the dark (in
December) - what's the big deal? (But please don't forget that flask
and Snicker's bar!)
CARRIAGE DRIVER: I will
stay on the box while my Groom changes it.
FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE: They will put ALL your