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Humour

How Many? Jokes



 

HOW MANY RIDERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration levels down to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning regimen?

DRESSAGE QUEEN: Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!

CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things cannot be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offence to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

EVENTER:  Wuss! As soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall while riding Hell Bent for Leather cross-country I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.

SHOW JUMPER: Why on Earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.

NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instil respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "light bulb dynamics" (video available at $99.00 on my Website). Once you have done this, you will = find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using patented "light bulb coaxer" designed by me - $99.00 each, for extra $49.99 you get video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

SHOW RIDER: Well, I'm waiting for my trainer to tell me exactly how but he's changing light bulbs somewhere else right now.

REAL COWBOY: Well shur 'nuff ma'am. There, all dun.

SIDESADDLE RIDER: Well, one things for certain.... if they can do it, I can do it, and with both legs on the same side of the step ladder..... stand back and watch me! But first I have to find my top hat and veil, cut the crusts off the sandwich and pack it in a linen napkin, fold my rain gloves with the thumbs together and place them under the billets, have my saddle restuffed and make an apron...............

FOXHUNTER: Forget the light bulb- ain't got no time to worry 'bout no light bulb - HOUNDS ARE RUNNING! Load in the dark ( in August) , unload in the dark (in December) - what's the big deal? (But please don't forget that flask and Snicker's bar!)

CARRIAGE DRIVER:  I will stay on the box while my Groom changes it.

FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE:  They will put ALL your lights out!


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